A Complaint Letter to Autozone and a BPA

First, I must give credit to Mike Fabian for creating the BPAs (prounounced bip-ah). It it the "busy-est person" award. I have a nominee.

I went in to Autozone on Saturday to pick up a gas cap and some gas line water remover for my car. I had been driving without a gas cap for a few months and decided it was finally time to fix it. So I walked through the doors to Autozone.

I understand waiting and have no problem with it; however, I don't like getting cut in front of . I'm not the type of guy that is going to say, "Excuse me sir, but I was in line first." Autozone exacerbates the problem by not having a line. You just stand looking at the workers waiting for them to acknowledge that you were the next one in line. It's such a barbaric system, especially when the barbarian hordes (otherwise known as white trash) arrive.

One could conclude that I am white trash by the car I drive in, but I think white trash goes much deeper than physical appearances. White trashiness emanates from the core of one's being.

I was standing there patiently minding my own business. I looked at the impluse items that were supposed to be somewhat tantalizing. They weren't. Maybe it's because I'm not that big of a car guy. I was bored waiting in line when another individual comes and stands behind me. (That individual reminded me a lot of Ben Brown. I must still miss the people from the Lasning church a lot. People are reminding me of them. For those who don't know Ben, he is usually a nice mild-mannered, calm, and collected individual. The type of guy you wouldn't be scared of running across in an alley on a dark and rainy night unless he was done up in his Darth Maul face paint and swing a lightsaber around.) Anyway, the two of us are there minding our business, waiting in line, when a short, plump, hairy, dirty gnome walks through the door carrying some big honking chunk of something that is supposed to be located under one's hood. I'm not a car guy so that is as descriptive as I can get.

The gnome walks right in front of me and demands service. The Autozone workers don't remind him that we were there first, and he is out the door with a new healthy honking chunk of something. He probably had his car fixed before I made it to the register.

And much to my surprise the white trash parade continued for what should walk through that door after the gnome left? Why, a big hairy ogre and his daughter. They immediately proceeded to jump in front of the line and demand attention. They even get upset when they aren't helped immediately because the workers are all busy. But don't worry. They did receive help prior to me.

Then one of the workers decides to take a break. I'm fine with breaks. I personally don't get any because I work alone, but I understand the need for them. It wouldn't have bothered me so much except for the fact that I had been standing there fifteen minutes longer than I should have because of a gnome and an ogre cutting in front of me.

So me and the Ben Brown impersonator waited a little longer. Then one of the Autozone workers finished helping a customer that he was stuck on the whole time this was occurring. He does a novel thing asks, "Whose next?" Now, I would've been interested to see what the gnome of ogre would've done in this situation, but the nice Ben Brown impersonator pointed at me and said, "He is."

Two minutes later I was out of Autozone with my gas cap and gas line water remover.

So I award the gnome and the ogre a dual BPA. Neither one of them deserve a full one because I don't think they will take good care of it.

The experience also inspired me to write a letter to Autozone. Unfortunately, their website is having problems with me uploading my email. I'm debating on never going to Autozone again, but the Napa in town was just as bad. Maybe car guys just aren't good retail guys.

The letter to Autozone:


I went to the Autozone store in Defiance, Ohio, yesterday and was shocked at what happened. I stood waiting for an Autozone associate to help me find what I needed. This is normal and fine. I understand waiting. However, when a man comes in and just cuts in front of me and a worker proceeds to help him, I get a little frustrated. When this happens a second time, I get even more frustrated. Those of us who are more civilized and considerate get ran over in a store that doesn't seem to acknowledge the order of people waiting.

I just wanted to write to propose a solution. Create some type of waiting line. Banks and post offices have one line in which people wait for the next available window. If this was the case at Autozone, my visit would've been less frustrating and done fifteen minutes before it was actually was.



Watch out for potholes.