I'm Back - A Sick Night

Well, I'm back.

After taking a week off from the internet, I have made a few decisions in life.

First, I will not be blogging daily. I'll just blog whenever I feel like it. The days of the daily blog are gone.

Second, there is no second.

I enjoyed the week away from the computer except for business. I recommend it to everyone. It's refreshing like drinking a cup of water on a hot day. It cleans the system.


The following happened last Tuesday night.

I was tired. More tired than usual. Lindsay was running to the store to buy ice cream. I was supposed to be watching the kids. I laid down on the floor.

The tiredness made me feel like I was ready to pass out drunk. I really don't think I have ever been this tired before. And as I laid there drifting between reality and my delusions I was convicted of something.

I pictured myself dying and leaving my wife and children stranded. Without life insurance I was a little worried. I really felt terrible and wondered if I would wake up if I fell asleep.

But then it hit me. God will take care of them. And I was comforted.

Then it hit me again. God will take care of them now even when I am alive. And I was disturbed.

At some point between laying on the floor feeling like I was passing out and going asleep I realized that I haven't been trusting God as much as I should. I try to be independent. I try to be self-sustaining with needing God's help.

But if I am to be the man that God wants me to be, I need to live in total surrender. If I am to raise my children the way that God wants, then I need to allow him to be incontrol.

Writing these words seem to almost state that nothing has changed, but in my heart everything has changed.

I want to resurrender myself to God. I don't know if that will change anything that is going on in my life, but I'm willing.

Watch out for the potholes.