You Are A Child Of God or What Does It Mean When God Doesn't Answer My Prayers

 

You are a child of God.

An old preacher named Fred Craddock used to tell a story about vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. One night they found a quiet little restaurant, where they looked forward to a private meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. [It wasn’t Colonel Sanders. That would be Kentucky] Craddock leaned over and whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.” He didn’t want anyone intruding on their privacy. But sure enough, the man did come over to their table. “Where you folks from?” he asked in a friendly voice. “Oklahoma,” Craddock answered. “Splendid state, I hear, although I’ve never been there,” the stranger said. “What do you do for a living?” “I teach homiletics at the graduate seminary of Phillips University,” Craddock replied. “Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I’ve got a story to tell you.” And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with Craddock and his wife. Dr. Craddock said he groaned inwardly and thought to himself, “Oh, no! Here comes another preacher story! It seems like everybody has at least one.”

The man stuck out his hand. “I’m Ben Hooper,” he said. “I was born not far from here across the mountains. My mother wasn’t married when I was born, so I had a pretty hard time. When I started to school, my classmates had a name for me, and it wasn’t a very nice name. I used to go off by myself at recess and lunch time because the things they said to me cut me so deep. What was worse was going to town on Saturday afternoons and feeling like every eye was burning a hole through me, wondering just who my father was. “When I was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to our church. I would always go in late and slip out early. But one day the preacher said the benediction so fast I got caught and to walk out with the crowd. I could feel every eye in the church on me. Just about the time I got to the door I felt a big hand on my shoulder. I looked up and the preacher was looking right at me. ‘Who are you, son? Whose boy are you?’ he asked. I felt this big weight coming down on me. It was like a big black cloud. Even the preacher was putting me down. But as he looked down at me, studying my face, he began to smile a big smile of recognition. ‘Wait a minute!’ he said. ‘I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God.’ With that he slapped me across the rump and said, ‘Boy, you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.’

The old man looked across the table at Fred Craddock and said, “Those were the most important words anybody ever said to me, and I’ve never forgotten them.” With that, he smiled shook hands with Craddock and his wife, and moved on to another table to greet old friends. And as he walked away, Craddock – a native Tennessean himself – remembered from his studies of Tennessee history that on two occasions the people of Tennessee had elected to the office of governor men who had been born out of wedlock. One of them was a man named Ben Hooper. (Source: http://www.calvaryfullerton.org/Bstudy/49%20Eph/2005/49Eph01e.htm)

You are a child of God. 

And once we realize that, we can live free. As Jesus taught here.

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of Godabove all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Matthew 6:25-34 (NLT)

And then I want to pull in another passage.

At the foot of the mountain, a large crowd was waiting for them. A man came and knelt before Jesus and said, “Lord, have mercy on my son. He has seizures and suffers terribly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. So I brought him to your disciples, but they couldn’t heal him.”

Jesus said, “You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” Then Jesus rebuked the demon in the boy, and it left him. From that moment the boy was well.

Afterward the disciples asked Jesus privately, “Why couldn’t we cast out that demon?”

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

Matthew 17:15-20 (NLT)

But you know what he follows that story up with, a story that bad things are going to happen.

After they gathered again in Galilee, Jesus told them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of his enemies. He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead.” And the disciples were filled with grief.

Matthew 17:21-23 (NLT)

Despite being a child of God, bad things happened. He’s warning them, but he also just gave them the teaching of having a mustard seed faith that is linked to God working in that teaching of Jesus.

Mustard seed faith. I want to propose one thing. That size of faith is just the request. Our faith isn’t magical. Just necessary. But it doesn’t have to be giant.

I can’t tell you why God doesn’t just always automatically heal. I think in the world where we have two competing sides in Christianity – one that seems to oppose healing and one that seems to have a God that just heals quickly and automatically – we struggle to make sense of the struggle. Neither camp provides a way of thinking to carry us through that time in between asking and receiving. That time of the valley. I can’t tell you why you sometimes suffer despite being a child of God.

But What if just praying is enough faith? What if that is the mustard seed? And then how do we deal with not receiving the healing? 

In the end, we have to just continue pushing in. Our faith isn’t dependent upon a healing. Maybe today is the day for the miracle you’ve bene seeking. And then that is where we feel like we have to stop because talking about how today may not be the day goes against the grain. It goes against the false name and claim it way of thinking. But I want to tell you today that learning to cope and grow with the struggle does not mean that you are lacking faith. You are a child of God whether you get the healing or not.

You don’t need Superman faith. You don’t need a rambunctious, flamboyant, exuberant faith. Just faith like a mustard seed. A faith that is willing to just come to God and ask him what you desire. Just a faith that is enough that leads you to God’s throne room in prayer.

Just enough faith to pray. Now is the time for simple prayers. Like a child can pray.

The things you care about but feel stupid praying about. God wants to hear about them. God wants to have a vibrant conversation with you about those things. And that won't happen if you think they are just too stupid to bring up.

Because in the end, God cares about you and the things you care for. As we grow closer to him and allow the restoration of our broken places to happen, the things we care for will shift closer to the things that he cares for. But until then, we are who we are right now. So feel free to pray what is on your heart. Don't be fake with God. He won't think you're stupid. He loves you. He can handle your request. He can handle your disappointment. He can handle reality. 

In the end, it’s God’s responsibility. If you have asked, you have exhibited the mustard seed faith. And if he doesn’t heal, discouragement often sets in.

I remember the night our twins died. We came home from the hospital, with the dead babies still inside Lindsay. And we anointed her with oil and prayed for healing. I wanted God to give me a miracle story to tell the world. And I had the faith that he could do it. Lindsay had more faith. The next morning, we arrived at the hospital and asked them to do another ultrasound because we were wanting to see the miracle that I would tell the whole world about. My dead twins would be alive….They humored us with another ultrasound, but they were still dead. And instead of a miracle story to tell the world, God gave me this story. And as we wept throughout the delivery and the day with them in our room, as we held our dead babies, we were left wondering why God didn’t give the miracle we desired. The miracle we had faith for.

We are God’s children. Why did this happen to us?

And in some circles, people would tell me that I didn’t have enough faith. In other circles, they would tell me that it was unrealistic to expect the miracle. And yet, I’m somewhere in the uncomfortable mystery without an easy answer. God could heal but didn’t. I had faith but God didn’t respond with healing. 

But then we come face to face with the story of Job. It’s Job ranting and raving and arguing with friends for page after page about a tragedy that happened to Job.

God answers all the bickering in the conversation between Job and his friends.

“Who is this that questions my wisdom

with such ignorant words?

Brace yourself like a man,

because I have some questions for you,

and you must answer them.

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Tell me, if you know so much.

Who determined its dimensions

and stretched out the surveying line?

What supports its foundations,

and who laid its cornerstone

as the morning stars sang together

and all the angels shouted for joy?

“Who kept the sea inside its boundaries

as it burst from the womb,

and as I clothed it with clouds

and wrapped it in thick darkness?

For I locked it behind barred gates,

limiting its shores.

I said, ‘This far and no farther will you come.

Here your proud waves must stop!’

“Have you ever commanded the morning to appear

and caused the dawn to rise in the east?

Have you made daylight spread to the ends of the earth,

to bring an end to the night’s wickedness?

As the light approaches,

the earth takes shape like clay pressed beneath a seal;

it is robed in brilliant colors.

The light disturbs the wicked

and stops the arm that is raised in violence.

Job 38:2-15 (NLT)

It goes on and we won’t read it all here, but God concludes his first rebuke with this.

Then the LORD said to Job,

“Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?

You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”

Then Job replied to the LORD,

“I am nothing—how could I ever find the answers?

I will cover my mouth with my hand.

I have said too much already.

I have nothing more to say.”

Job 40:1-5 (NLT)

So we enter into this age old struggle. A struggle shown in the ancient book of Job. A struggle where we could cite so many stories in our days, whether friends dying way too young or other tragedies and disease. We have these promises from Jesus that God will take care of us. We know we are children of God, yet we find ourselves at times in unresolved valleys. We have faith. We have asked, yet it doesn’t seem that God has delivered. The healing, the deliverance, the blessing that we want – still not realized.

I want that realized for all of us. It starts with a faith like a mustard seed. A willingness to pray. To be honest with God about your feelings and ask. The simple prayer that you feel foolish praying. Ask it.

And then it continues by not giving up. I picture Job just saying, “Screw it, God. I’m out.” I’m the type that would do that three chapters in to his forty-two chapter story. And then the blessing, the true realization, would never come. Instead, Job wrestled with it. And the blessing eventually came.

But we need a belief system that can get us through those days where the healing doesn’t come. And in many instances, like the instance with my twins, there is no waiting for a deliverance or healing. The moment is gone.

But what do we do with all of this? Thankfully, Scripture gives us that too.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)

So drop the empty platitudes. Don’t tell someone who has prayed in faith that they don’t have enough faith for a healing. Don’t tell them to find the sin in their life as if Jesus’ blood doesn’t cover all our sins. Jesus has already brought victory. They have already exhibited the mustard seed faith in prayer. Don’t tell someone to just deny their illness as if lying to themselves is a way to manufacture faith. Laying claim to a miracle is not denial and lying. Lies never produce faith. Faith must stand up to the reality we find ourselves in and go to God to fix this broken place.

And then continue to push in toward God. You are his child after all.

Suffering does produce hope. We must allow ourselves to grow closer to God in all things. Grow in hope. Learn to “rejoice in hope of the glory of God” in all situations. Be the opposite of the world. Instead of despair, hope. And keep pushing on. That opportunity, God will deliver. That healing, God will bring. God doesn’t cause bad things, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t happen, although we can be assured that he will use them for good. In all things grow closer to your Father.

And live in the truth that God will provide and what he provides is sufficient. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Push into God. And he will give you the strength you need. You are a child of God. No matter what happens.

 

 

Women. The Church. The Family. And You.

An off-centered picture of three of the most important women of my childhood.
Aunt Rita. Grandma Jessie. And Mom.

Women.

Sadly, the church has been on the side of telling their daughters, “You can be anything but not a preacher or a leader in the church.” “Be confident. Work hard. But make sure that you always do what your husband says.” Even in our town, these views are still prevalent. And you may think those views are the right ones, but let me challenge you with a different perspective today.

So today’s article is going to be a little different than one where I try to motivate you to change. It’s going to be much more of a study and explanation of women’s role in the church and in the home. But this truth can be more liberating than any motivational sermon if lived out.

Wrapped up in this issue is part of how we interpret the Bible. Do we take one verse and run with it, or do we understand it in the context of the whole?

Proponents of both sides of the issue like to explain away passages that disagree with their viewpoint. But there is something to be said in reading the Bible in context and in light of the overarching themes of the rest of the Bible. There are also special contextual issues to consider when reading Paul’s writings since he is writing to address specific issues in specific churches, of which we can only surmise the context because we only have Paul’s reply. This understating and appreciation of what Paul is doing makes the application for us more refined than simply reading and then doing.

THE BEGINNING IN GENESIS

So let’s start at the beginning. In Genesis 1 and 2, man and woman were equal in God’s sight and complimented one another. In fact, the woman is called a “helper” (ezer) – the same word used in the Psalms to describe divine help (Psalm 20:2, 70:5). One would have a difficult time casting God as a subordinate.

So in the first chapter of Genesis, we have women created to be a helper just as God’s help given to us is described in the Psalms. But only a chapter later, things change – there is a division between man and woman as a result of sin entering the world. We must note that this is the result of sin. It is not the desired relationship that God had in mind between a man and a woman. The effects of the fall have impacted cultural perceptions and expectations between men and women negatively ever since. From the treatment of women as second class citizens, to a view of women as property, to a denial of certain rights to women, varying cultures have diminished the value of women ever since. These were not God’s intention but a result of sin among us and the fall having happened. They were a consequence.

 

JESUS IS RESTORING ALL THINGS

But God is in the process of removing the consequences of sin and restoring all things. This is the idea of the kingdom breaking through into the here and now. So if we view the role of women through the idea of the kingdom of God, we see that God is restoring all things. So God’s original intention as described in Genesis 1-2, not the consequence laid out in the post-fall Genesis 3, is the idea of the relationship between men and women in God’s kingdom. And through the ministry of Jesus, God is now restoring all things to their intended purpose through the church. That means that women will are not inferior. Now, I can't do everything to bring about God's perfect kingdom now, but treating women equally is something that I can do. So as much as I possibly can, I live under the principle of bringing about God's perfect kingdom now. The church should be an example of God’s restored purpose for humanity, not a reflection of the world post-fall.

In addition, Paul restates this same idea to the church in Galatia: 

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (ESV)

Paul echoes this sentiment in In 1 Corinthians 12 where he states that we are one body with many members where each part performs different functions. There is no delineation between men and women. There is no assigning the teaching or leading duties to men while relegating women to other duties.

PAUL'S DIFFICULT PASSAGES

But Paul is also the source of the two difficult passages where women should be silent and where women should not teach or have authority over a man. Throughout his writings, Paul describes a unity and equality that exists between the spiritually reborn living in God’s restored kingdom. On the other hand, Paul backs off in these sections and defer to cultural norms.

The clearest mention of a woman in leadership is at the end of Romans where Phoebe is called a deaconess/servant/minister (diakonos). Granted, this word can mean all of those things in the Greek, but in Paul’s writings when he is speaking of the office of "deacon," he uses this word. When he speaks of servants he uses other words (doulos, oiketes, pais, etc.). We also have Priscilla and Aquilla. Word order was used in Greek language to show prominence, making Priscilla the prominent teacher in this couple. You even have an apostle named Junia.

So when Paul gave his lists that people use to exclude women, Paul was not providing a comprehensive list of qualifications but a general understanding of what would make a good leader (see The Biblical Requirements for Elders). This list is used so legalistically at times that it fails to see the point -- leaders should have leadership qualities and be actual spiritual leaders. Gender, if the practice of the early church as seen in Scripture is to be given weight, is not necessary to be a spiritual leader. The same book that commands women to be silent (1 Cor. 14:33-35) gives instructions for women praying and prophesying in the public assembly (1 Cor. 11:2-16). This role of prophet and praying in public indicates some level of authority and leadership in the church given to women, even over men.

The notion that men have the corner on wisdom, knowledge and teaching ability is pure arrogance. And relegating women to teaching only children and other women is not only demeaning but fails to see the fulfillment of the Kingdom. Yes, women can be homemakers – my family life is a testament to the idea that I like that concept - but so can men. In the same way men can lead the church, but so can women. Only by working together, making up for one another’s deficiencies, and carrying one another’s burdens do we see the Kingdom come.

As for qualifications of leaders, obviously we don’t want some hot head drunk leading the church. But as I mentioned, I think these are general principles based on observation, experience, and wisdom as opposed to a clearly delineated list to treat like law. The two lists in the two different Pauline letters aren’t even the same. In other words, each candidate should be evaluated individually. Maybe the person is divorced because the spouse had an affair and left him or her. Maybe the person brought their child up in the church and did all he or she could but the child still is wayward. Perhaps the recovering alcoholic has controlled the addiction. The point is that I don’t think that a candidate should be dismissed out of hand because he or she doesn’t meet the qualifications without examining the reasons behind their circumstances and where that individual is today. They should not be disqualified for something that happened in their lives fifteen years ago if they have conquered the cause of whatever that sin was. Again, this reasoning is based on my understanding that Paul offers a general list of leadership qualities, not a law of leadership qualifications.

Not all of us will be elders or teachers. Each of us performs different functions and roles within the body. But that does not disqualify women from fulfilling these functions. Nowhere in Paul’s discussion on giftedness does he single out men for the “leadership” type gifts or roles. I agree that not every woman should be a leader in the church. Just like every man should not be one. I have heard dynamite women teachers and awful male ones (and vice versa). We are who God empowers us to be, regardless of gender. And the only sin here is if we don’t operate in our giftedness or don’t allow others to operate in their giftedness.

What it comes down to in the Kingdom of God is to be a community that rises above the “-isms” that have plagued our society and churches. It is time to do away with chauvinism, feminism, racism and return to seeing each other as created equally loved in God’s sight and empowered differently but living unified to do the work of the Kingdom.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE FAMILY?

Now, that is church life. But I think if we go to the same passages regarding family life with the same attitude and understanding the same principles, we will see a similar stance.

A study was released a while back that described three types of families.  One happy, termed cohesive.  Two unhappy, termed disengaged and enmeshed.

Typically cohesive families are characterized by harmonious interactions, emotional warmth, and firm but flexible roles for parents and children. "Think the Cosby family," says Sturge-Apple, offering an example from the popular TV series about the affable Huxtable family.

Enmeshed families, by contrast, appears to be emotionally involved and display modest amounts of warmth, but they struggle with high levels of hostility, destructive meddling, and a limited sense of the family as a team. Sturge-Apple points to the emotionally messy Barone family in the family sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond as a good example of an enmeshed family.

Finally, disengaged families, as the name implies, are marked by cold, controlling, and withdrawn relationships. [With help from my Facebook friends, think All In The Family, Married With Children, or National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. ] The seemingly pleasant suburban family in the movie Ordinary People provides a classic illustration of a disengaged family, as per the authors. Reacting to the death of their oldest son, the parents in the film retreat emotionally, creating a barren home environment in which feelings cannot be discussed.”
https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/16/family-problems-harm-young-children/15684.html 

What we see in Paul's passage on the household in Colossians on how to have a godly family is similar to what the scientists in the study mentioned above would describe as a cohesive family. Paul wrapped up telling us about the new self with instruction about the household. The new self should permeate every area of our lives.  The old self is lying, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk while the new self is compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, thankfulness, forgiveness, and love. But then he follows this with explicit instructions on family life.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)

Paul then goes on to one of the more controversial sections:

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.  Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.  Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. Colossians 3:18-4:1 (ESV).

A STUDY ON SUBMISSION

Now, let’s deal with the elephant in the room first. The big, hot button issue is that first sentence: "Wives, submit to your husbands." 

An exercise that is useful in discovering the meaning of a word is to examine what it meant in the original language through a Greek word study.  One of the biggest mistakes typically done is to just look the word up in an English dictionary and call it good from there.  The problem with our understanding "hupotasso", the word translated "submit" here, is that we don't use the word "submit" much in our normal conversations.  The only places I hear it is in wrestling/mma where the fighter gives up due to excessive pain or in a classroom environment where a student hands in a paper to their teacher.  In doing a word study, we can see how the word was used in other sections of Scripture.  So let's look at some of those verses.

Jesus was hupotasso to his parents.

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive (hupotasso) to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.  Luke 2:51 (ESV)

We need to hupotasso governing authorities. 

Let every person be subject (hupotasso) to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.  Romans 13:1 (ESV).

We need to hupotasso to every fellow worker and laborer like those of the household of Stephanas. 

Now I urge you, brothers—you know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and that they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints—be subject (hupotasso) to such as these, and to every fellow worker and laborer. 1 Corinthians 16:15-16 (ESV).

We need to hupotasso to God. 

Submit (hupotasso) yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  James 4:7 (ESV).

We need to hupotasso to one another as brothers and sisters in Jesus.

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting (hupotasso) to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Ephesians 5:18-21 (ESV).

We could get a grand and deeply authoritarian view of submission from the verses that teach us to submit to governing authorities and God, but there are also uses of "submit" that throw a wrench into that definition. We see that submitting to one another is something that we are all called to do as believers to each other. 

So the word "submit" has to fit these passages. And sadly, the concept, especially in regards to the role of a woman with her husband when viewed as a subordinate role, has been misunderstood and doesn’t fit. This teaching of womanly submission has tragically been abused by the patriarchal society of the past and is still being abused in sexist settings today, to the detriment of everyone involved. I have heard of tragic stories of abuse in which a woman has been told to submit to her husband and remain in an abusive relationship. I have heard stories of women having to go along with things they seriously disagree with. That is not what this Paul is teaching in this section in his letter to the Colossians.

Submit (hupotasso) is voluntarily placing ourselves under someone in order to support them and help them achieve the dreams they have. When Paul wrote that a wife should submit to her husband, he was stating that a wife needs to be a person who is voluntarily supportive of their husband, but that is nothing more than what Paul said we need to be to one another as brothers and sisters in Jesus. It is nothing more than the husband should also be to the wife.

Submitting does not mean that we don’t speak up. Submitting doesn't mean that we don’t ever disobey. It does not mean that we endure torture or abuse under another. It's actually a beautiful concept that translating it into a negative word like "submit" misses. It means that we know the dreams of the other person, and we put ourselves voluntarily under them to help them achieve those dreams. We become a support to lift them up and help them achieve their goals. I feel like breaking out into Josh Groban here.

ON TOWARD TRUE JESUS-LIKE LEADERSHIP

A domineering man might then ask, "What does authority matter if it does not mean blind obedience by those under authority?" It’s mean Christian authority. If you are over someone in Christ, then you are their servant leader. Jesus is our Lord and does not force His will to be done by taking away our free will.  He leads out of submission, example, and love. We are to do likewise.

Jesus taught: 

You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Matthew 20:25-28 (ESV).

Jesus also taught that leadership in the church and in Christian relationships is upside-down.

The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.  Matthew 23:11-12 (ESV).

Servant leadership is what Christian leadership is all about.  As a pastor, I am in this position to serve the people in the church I am part of, the community I live in and interact with, and the world abroad. It is not about me getting special treatment; it's about serving people through calling on them, meeting their needs, praying for them, and listening to God and proclaiming what He wants us to hear. This is what all church leaders are called to do. If you are living out the life of Jesus in your workplace, then you should be about serving those around you. Christian leadership, whether it is the role of a husband in the house, parents to their children, a teacher to their students, a law enforcement officer to the citizens, is one of sacrifice and service when done well.

We all know in the core of our being what good leadership is. What kind of cowardly father would flee if his family was endangered? What kind of corrupt politician would seek to gain personally from their position as a representative of the people? What kind of shameful law enforcement officer would abandon people in need of help? We all know, in the core of our being, what good leadership is. And that is what Paul is laying out here because, so often, men can create a destructive family environment from their unhealthy leadership. The leadership trap for a husband, as Paul warns, is to become harsh with their wives and provoke and discourage their children.     

But a healthy family is not one of selfish and personal ambition.  It’s one of compassion, patience, love, humility, forgiveness, and love.  It is the new self lived out in unison one with another.  A healthy family is the most basic example of the love of Jesus lived in community. The family is designed to be a place where people are encouraged and built up to be who Jesus wants them to be rather than a place of manipulation and selfish ambition.

 

In the healthy family, telling a wife that she is to submit to her husband, as long as we are using it with the biblical idea of hupataso, is also proclaiming that the husband must serve his wife.  We must never separate a wife submitting with the love of the husband that is always connected with that command to submit.

Submit does not mean that someone should be silent, obedient at all times, or a slave. Actually, if submit means to support someone to achieve their dreams, then speaking up and telling the other person where they need to improve would be needed at times. So submit, in Paul's command for a wife to submit to her husband, just means that the woman will help the man achieve the dreams he is trying to achieve.  She will be his support. From other verses, we see that a man should be just as supportive of his wife. It’s the same concept we are to do to one another.

The main crux of the argument, as Paul described the way the household should function, is that the man should no longer abuse his position. At the time this letter was written to church in Colossae, the man was very domineering over the family. Paul gave three warnings to the man. One, he is not to be harsh with his wife. Two, he is not to provoke and discourage their children. And three, he is to treat his slaves justly and fairly.  This was a radical teaching that would be liberating to wives, children, and slaves at that time.

REVEALING A DIFFERENT KINGDOM

The Roman society was patriarchal and vicious. Babies would be presented to the father after birth at which point he could decide to let the baby not enter the family by forcing the baby to just be abandoned and die from exposure. No property was allowed to be owned in a Roman family except for the father owning it; this even included grown men. All children were to be under the authority of their father until his passing.

Like modern sitcoms jokingly show the faults in the American family, Roman theater did the same for their audience. And we can see in the family comedies of Plautus and Terrence that the Roman family could devolve into manipulation and greed. With such a patriarchal structure, the wife, children, and slaves would all try to manipulate the father to get their will done. Paul's writings were a direct assault on the Roman family structure and would have transformed a Roman family that lived selfishly into one that would be a witness for Jesus. The Christian family is to be a model of God’s plan for us in right relationship with each other. The church is to be the same.

If the man is the head of the house, it is not as a domineering head. Christian leadership is the exact opposite of being domineering. If anyone is the head of anything in Christian thinking, then that person is to be the servant of those in their charge. True Christian leadership is serving, not domineering. We will wrongly take the headship idea that we get from the Bible and then apply a worldly definition to it, but it is to be viewed through the lens of a sacrificial Jesus who, as the head, gave up his life so that those like you and me – under him – could live.

In Genesis, humanity fell and there were consequences: 

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

That’s the fall. That’s what Jesus came to reverse. That’s not the reality we are called to live in.

As Paul explains it: 

For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.  Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,  so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:19-21 (ESV)

In the perfect world before the fall, women were not ruled over by men; that was a consequence of sin. As Christians, if we are forgiven of our sins and are striving to live in perfection, then we should treat women as they were treated before the punishment of sin. As much as is possible by us, we should live as the restored people of God, letting the kingdom be realized in the here and now through us. That would include women not being ruled over by men, both in the home and in the church, but, instead, women being treated as equals as they were before the fall.

Let’s live in God’s restored kingdom reality.

Away From An Easy Gospel

You will be lied to. You will be told that you can follow Jesus without any sacrifice. You'll hear that those you are sacrificing for aren't really worth it. You'll feel that you're wasting your time, that sacrifice is a little too extreme. You could be spending your time on something you enjoy. You will be told that you're wasting your money giving it to God. Imagine how many more things you could enjoy if you would keep that 10%, or even more, for yourself and spend it on things that you want around the house, trips, and whatever else your heart desires. You will hear lies.

And we like the lies. They help us justify our human desire to not sacrifice.

Jesus didn't come riding on a horse, a tactical missile, or a drone and take over the world. He came in love, suffering, eventually bearing a cross that He was nailed to. This separates Jesus from all the other false saviors of this world. They redeem by violence, power, and authority. While Jesus redeemed by love.

Here are a few verses to emphasize that.

He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world (1 John 2:2 .ESV).

For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—  but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.  More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:7-11 ESV).

He was willing to sacrifice for everyone, not just those who are worthy.
Are we willing to sacrifice for everyone - our enemies, the poor?

Paul taught,"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV).

We are called to follow Jesus' example. He gave Himself up for us. We must be willing to imitate Him and give ourselves up for others. But we have our own personal Gardens of Gethsemane where we often don't concede, "Not my will but your will be done." Instead, we try to take the easy road. We would much rather teach and instruct rather than sacrifice.

It's easy to tell the person considering an abortion, don't have one. It's harder to say, "I will adopt."

It's easy to tell the kid not doing their homework, "Get your homework done." It's harder to say, "I will help."

It's easy to tell someone poorly clothed and lacking in food, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled." It's harder to give them the things that they need.

Our problems aren't anything new. The early church was struggling with similar issues too. Hence the instruction of James.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?  If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food,  and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?  So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.  But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. (James 2:14-18 ESV).

I had a preacher friend who preached on adoption. And as pastors sometimes get, he got a scathing letter about his sermon. The gist of the letter was that adoption is a great cause but that it really shouldn't be a concern of the church. The salvation of people's souls, not adoption, is the focus of the church. Loving actions like adoption should be in the realm of organizations outside the church while the church teaches salvation in Jesus.

You know the problem with that email is that it is so close to being right. Satan won't come into our churches, ask us to chop up pigs, cover ourselves in blood, and dance around singing songs to a pagan idol. He will just take us one step away from the truth. That's damaging enough.

You may be thinking that my preacher friend is wrong and the email writer is right-on because that email at its essence expresses the American gospel from the last fifty years. A gospel that is concerned about the truth over love, getting people saved rather than living redeemed lives. A gospel that surgically removed loving actions to the community and the world into outside organizations from the heart of the church. It expresses the gospel that ushered in the decline of America. It expresses the gospel that created a powerless church. For it's like this was the gospel.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe, I was thirsty and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe, I was a stranger and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe,  I was naked and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe, I was sick and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe, I was in prison and you just told me the truth of the gospel so that I would believe.’ 

No! No! No!

The gospel has been spoiled if we think that is what the gospel is. Jesus modeled sacrifice to us. And we must live sacrifically for others.

This is the actual teachings of Jesus:

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40 ESV).

We can't separate our spiritual life and the telling of the gospel from helping others. Likewise, we can't separate helping others from telling them the gospel. For our help is part of the gospel message. It's not the gospel without our sacrifice. The reason our communities aren't being reached for Jesus isn't because we haven't figured out the right program to reach them; it's because those of us who go to church on Sundays aren't surrendered to Jesus and living for Him. We don't model His sacrifice by becoming a living sacrifice for others.

We want to follow Jesus without any self-sacrifice. We want an easy gospel. But Jesus modeled self-sacrifice. And if we have given our life to following Jesus, to walk as He walks, then we will model that same self-sacrifice. We will give of ourselves so that others may know God. Just like Jesus gave of Himself so that you may know and be right with God.

Words are cheap. Sacrifice is what is needed to walk as Jesus walked. Sacrifice is what is needed to change this world for Jesus.