I'm not a spiritual rock star.
I just came back from an amazing conference, heard my favorite writers speak, found some new favorites, experienced the best sermon I have ever heard, felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and heard some amazing testimonies. And I realized that I am not a spiritual rock star.
I fail. A lot. I struggle with loving people. I
don't get invited to pagan parties despite drinking. I don't always say
"yes" to God. I don't have random encounters with people responding
to them by giving their life to Jesus. I don't always know what to say and
sometimes I don't even care. I don't....
And then I wonder, "Am I being
faithful?" How can a life like mine be described as being faithful when
there are these spiritual rock stars?
I'm sure you have asked if you are being faithful
unless you are a sociopath Christian - and let me tell you, those are the
worse. A little self-reflection should culminate in the realization of how
great Jesus is and how far we pale in comparison. This experience is necessary,
especially in a world that tries to tell us that we are perfect just the way we
are or that our lives will be made better just by purchasing this or that
consumer good.
So here I am ministering in a small town with a
relatively insignificant church in the world's eyes. Despite this, I think that
I am where God wants me. I walk the streets and know people. I regularly
encounter people who I pray for even if they don't know I'm praying for them.
God things are happening. Not as many as I want nor do they look like the
exciting ones that I heard from the stage.
Oh, I could be a rock star. Or at least I could try. But that wouldn't be me being the me that I think God wants me to be. I have six kids, with probably more in the future. We aren't the type of people that get invited to parties because we fill up the whole room. I don't think I'm the type of person that makes you feel super special just from talking with me. I like those people, although I always feel that I have been lied to immediately after the interaction. I don't have happy thoughts all the time. I would much rather have a frustrating inconclusive theological conversation trying to figure out something than a simple, encouraging one. I don't....
Oh, I could be a rock star. Or at least I could try. But that wouldn't be me being the me that I think God wants me to be. I have six kids, with probably more in the future. We aren't the type of people that get invited to parties because we fill up the whole room. I don't think I'm the type of person that makes you feel super special just from talking with me. I like those people, although I always feel that I have been lied to immediately after the interaction. I don't have happy thoughts all the time. I would much rather have a frustrating inconclusive theological conversation trying to figure out something than a simple, encouraging one. I don't....
But here is what I do. I try to follow Jesus
within the context of a spiritual family, the church, a best as I possibly can.
I study the word, bathe my thoughts with prayer, and share what is laid on my
heart to the best of my abilities. I try to let the Spirit lead. I love and
serve Jesus. And I fail. And I'm not like others. And I am not as contagious as
I want to be. There are a lot of thing that I am not. But I am faithful, most
of the time.
I'm more of a spiritual folk singer. You won't see a flawless show, yet you're
welcome to sing along with me. And some of the songs I am
figuring out along the way. But I think I would much rather play a song and hear you play one too. We're folk singers after all, giving a new twist to an age old song.
