Cannibalism...The Path to a Healthy Planet

I bit into a nice, juicy steak off of the grill and had a thought that would change the world. We waste a lot of natural resources by not eating one another when we die. Our concern about the environment stops at the dead body of Cousin Leroy or Grandpa Roger. But should it? Should we let this tradition of not eating the dead flesh of humans stop us from minimizing the environmental impact we make. We have spent a lot of resources feeding Leroy and Roger during their lives. Except for Leroy being 350 pounds and dying in his forties, I cannot imagine that a cow who has never really walked a foot in his life would taste any better than a human like Grandpa Roger.

Now you might be concerned about diseases and the quality of meat you would be eating. Except for the last few years, Grandpa Roger was healthy and walking. He walked way more in his life than any of the caged cows down at the corporate farm. And the drugs they put in those corporate cows to ward off disease; it's like we are eating drugs with a little meat on the side. Grandpa Roger, except for his bout with LSD in the sixties, used far fewer drugs than any of those corporate cows we consume every day.

And imagine the other uses. We could could get wigs from all of the dead people. We could make necklaces out of their teeth - sorry I could not think of anything better to do with their teeth. And we could all have leather coats and boots without having to kill animals. We can use human bones for coffee table legs, so another tree could keep its life. The land we would save by not creating more burial grounds would allow us to make more corn, to make more ethanol, so we can still drive our gas guzzlers in memory of people like Grandpa Roger.

Our dead bodies seem to provide a limitless supply of resources that will help us in our struggle to not destroy the environment while maintaining the same standard of living. The possibilities are endless; our imagination and strangling traditions prevent us from realizing our true potential. If this program works well, we can move on to phase two of saving the environment: Killing people that are a burden to our society and using the resources they provide.

Did I mention that if we consume their bodies, they will always be a part of us? There is a spiritual side to this too. Also, if this works well, we can dig up everyone else and use the resources they provide to minimize our environmental impact.

Save the whales, eat a brother.