Women.
Sadly, the church has been on the side of oppressing women and telling their
daughters, “You can be anything but not a preacher or a leader in the church.”
“Be confident. Work hard. But make sure that you always do what your husband
says.” Even in our town, these views are still prevalent. And you may think
that view is the right one, but let me give you a different perspective today.
So today’s message is going
to be a little different than one where I motivate you to change. It’s going to
be much more of a study and explanation of women’s role in the church and in
the home. But this truth can be more liberating than any motivational sermon if
lived out.
Wrapped up in this issue is
part of how we interpret the Bible. Do we take one verse and run with it or do
we understand it in the context of the whole?
Proponents of both sides of
the issue like to explain away passages that disagree with their viewpoint. But
there is something to be said in reading the Bible in context and in light of the
overarching themes of the rest of the Bible. There are also special contextual
issues to consider when reading Paul’s writings since he is writing to address
specific issues in specific churches, of which we can only surmise the context
because we only have Paul’s reply. This understating and appreciation of what
Paul is doing makes the application for us more refined than simply reading and
then doing.
So let’s start at the
beginning. In Genesis 1 and 2, man and woman were equal in God’s sight and complimented
one another. In fact, the woman is called a “helper” (ezer) – the same word
used in the Psalms to describe divine help. One would have a difficult time
casting God as a subordinate.
So in the first chapter of Genesis, we have women created to be a helper just
as God’s help given to us is described in the Psalms. But only a chapter later,
things change – there is a division between man and woman as a result of sin entering
the world, but we must note that this is the result of sin, not the desired
relationship that God had in mind. The effects of the fall have impacted
cultural perceptions and expectations between men and women negatively ever
since. From the treatment of women as second class citizens, to a view of women
as property, to a denial of certain rights to women, varying cultures have
diminished the value of women ever since. These were not God’s intention but a
result of sin among us and the fall having happened.
If we view the role of women
through the idea of the kingdom of God, we see that God is restoring all
things. So God’s original intention as described in Genesis 1-2, not in the
post-fall Genesis 3, is the ideal of the relationship between men and women in
God’s kingdom. And through the ministry of Jesus, God is now restoring all
things to their intended purpose through the church. The church should be an
example of God’s restored purpose for humanity as much as we can possibly make
it. Not an example of the fallen world.
In addition, Paul restates
this same idea to the church in Galatia:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no
male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28 ESV).”
Paul echoes this sentiment in In 1 Corinthians 12 where he states that we are
one body with many members and each performs different functions. There is no
delineation between men and women – no assigning the teaching or leading duties
to men while relegating women to other duties.
But Paul is also the source of the two difficult passages where women should be
silent and where women should not teach or have authority over a man. Throughout
his writings, Paul describes a unity and equality that exists between the
spiritually reborn living in God’s restored kingdom. On the other hand, Paul
backs off and defers to cultural norms in these instances.
The clearest mention of a
woman in leadership is at the end of Romans where Phoebe is called a
deaconess/servant/minister (diakonos). Granted, this word can mean all of those
things in the Greek, but in Paul’s writings when he is speaking of the office
of “deacon” he uses this word. When he speaks of servants he uses other words
(doulos, oiketes, pais, etc.). We have Priscilla and Aquilla, and word order
was used in Greek language to show prominence, making Priscilla the prominent
teacher in this couple. You even have an apostle named Junia.
So when Paul gave his lists
that people use to exclude women, Paul was not providing a comprehensive list
of qualifications but a general understanding of what would make a good leader.
This list is used so legalistically at times that it fails to see the point --
leaders should have leadership qualities and be actual leaders. Gender, if the
practice of the early church as seen in Scripture is to be given weight, is not
one. The same book that commands women to be silent (1 Cor. 14:33-35) gives
instructions for women praying and prophesying in the public assembly (1 Cor.
11:2-16). This role of prophet and praying in public indicates some level of
authority and leadership in the church given to women, even over men.
The notion that men have the
corner market on wisdom, knowledge and teaching ability is pure arrogance. And
relegating women to teaching only children and other women is not only
demeaning but fails to see the fulfillment of the Kingdom. Yes, women can be
homemakers – my family life is a testament to the idea that I like that concept
- but so can men. In the same way men can lead the church, but so can women.
Only by working together, making up for one another’s deficiencies, and
carrying one another’s burdens do we see the Kingdom come.
As for qualifications of leaders, obviously we don’t want some hot headed drunk
leading the church. But as I mentioned, I think these are general principles based
on observation, experience, and wisdom as opposed to clearly delineated
“qualifications.” The two lists in the two different letters of Paul’s where he
mentions it aren’t even the same. In other words, each candidate should be
evaluated individually. Maybe the person is divorced because the spouse had an
affair and left him or her. Maybe the person brought their child up in the
church and did all he or she could but the child still is wayward. Perhaps the
recovering alcoholic has controlled the addiction. The point is that I don’t
think that a candidate should be dismissed out of hand because he or she doesn’t
meet the qualifications without examining the reasons behind their
circumstances. And I don’t think they should be disqualified for something that
happened in their lives fifteen years ago. Again, this reasoning is based on my
understanding that Paul offers a general list of leadership qualities, not a law
of leadership qualifications.
Not all of us will be elders
or teachers. Each of us performs different functions and roles within the body.
But that does not disqualify women from fulfilling these functions. Nowhere in
Paul’s discussion on giftedness does he single out men for the “leadership”
type gifts or roles. I agree that not every woman should be a leader in the
church. Just like every man should not be one. I have heard dynamite women
teachers and awful male ones (and vice versa). We are who God empowers us to
be, regardless of gender. And the only sin here is if we don’t operate in our
giftedness or don’t allow others to operate in their giftedness.
What it comes down to in the
Kingdom of God is to be a community that rises above the “-isms” that have
plagued our society and churches. It is time to do away with chauvinism,
feminism, racism and return to seeing each other as created equally loved in
God’s sight and empowered differently but living unified to do the work of the
Kingdom.
Now, that is church life. But
I think if we go to the same passages regarding family life with the same
attitude and understanding the same principles, we will see a similar stance.
A study was released a while
back that described three types of families. One happy, termed cohesive. Two
unhappy, termed disengaged and enmeshed.
“Typically cohesive families
are characterized by harmonious interactions, emotional warmth, and firm but
flexible roles for parents and children. "Think the Cosby family,"
says Sturge-Apple, offering an example from the popular TV series about the
affable Huxtable family.
Enmeshed families, by
contrast, appears to be emotionally involved and display modest amounts of
warmth, but they struggle with high levels of hostility, destructive meddling,
and a limited sense of the family as a team. Sturge-Apple points to the emotionally
messy Barone family in the family sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond as a good
example of an enmeshed family.
Finally, disengaged families,
as the name implies, are marked by cold, controlling, and withdrawn
relationships. [With help from my Facebook friends, think All In The Family,
Married With Children, or National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. ] The seemingly
pleasant suburban family in the movie Ordinary People provides a classic
illustration of a disengaged family, as per the authors. Reacting to the death
of their oldest son, the parents in the film retreat emotionally, creating a
barren home environment in which feelings cannot be discussed.”
https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/16/family-problems-harm-young-children/15684.html
What we see in Paul's passage
on the household in Colossians on how to have the family God desires is similar
to what the scientists in the studies mentioned earlier would describe as a
cohesive family. Paul wrapped up telling us about the new self with instruction
about the household. The new self should permeate every area of our lives. The
old self is lying, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk while the new self
is compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, thankfulness,
forgiveness, and love. But then he follows this with explicit instructions on
family life (see Colossians 3:12-14).
“Wives, submit to your
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be
harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases
the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Slaves,
obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of
eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that
from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving
the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done,
and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly,
knowing that you also have a Master in heaven (Colossians 3:18-4:1 ESV).”
Now, let’s deal with the
elephant in the room first. The big, hot button issue is that first sentence.
"Wives, submit to your
husbands."
An exercise that is useful in
discovering the meaning of a word is to examine what it meant in the original
language through a Greek word study. One of the biggest mistakes typically done
is to just look the word up in an English dictionary and call it good from
there. The problem with our understanding "hupotasso" is that we
don't use the word "submit" much in our normal conversations. The
only places I hear it is in wrestling/mma and in a classroom environment where
a student submits a paper to their teacher. In doing a word study, we can see
how the word was used in other sections of Scripture. So let's look at some of
those verses.
“And he went down with them
and came to Nazareth and was submissive (hupotasso) to them. And his mother
treasured up all these things in her heart (Luke 2:51 ESV).”
Jesus was hupotasso to his
parents.
“Let every person be subject
(hupotasso) to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from
God, and those that exist have been instituted by God ( Romans 13:1 ESV).”
We need to hupotasso
governing authorities.
“Now I urge you, brothers—you
know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and
that they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints—be subject
(hupotasso) to such as these, and to every fellow worker and laborer (1
Corinthians 16:15-16 ESV).”
We need to hupotasso to every
fellow worker and laborer like those of the household of Stephanas.
“Submit (hupotasso)
yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James
4:7 ESV).”
We need to hupotasso to God.
“And do not get drunk with
wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to
the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the
Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting (hupotasso) to one
another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:18-21 ESV).”
We need to hupotasso to one
another as brothers and sisters in Jesus.
We could get a grand and
deeply authoritarian view of submission from the verses that teach us to submit
to governing authorities and God, but there are uses of "submit" that
throw a kink into that definition. We see that submitting to one another is
something that we are all called to do as believers to each other.
So the word
"submit" has to fit these passages. And sadly, the concept,
especially in regards to the role of a woman with her husband when viewed as a
subordinate role, has been misunderstood and doesn’t fit. This teaching of
womanly submission has tragically been abused by the patriarchal society of the
past and is still being abused in sexist settings today, to the detriment of
everyone involved. I have heard of tragic stories of abuse in which a woman has
been told to submit to her husband and remain in an abusive relationship. I
have heard stories of women having to go along with things they seriously disagree
with. That is not what this verse in Colossians is implying.
Submit (hupotasso) is
voluntarily placing ourselves under someone in order to support them and help
them achieve the dreams they have. When Paul wrote that a wife should submit to
her husband he was stating that a wife needs to be a person who is voluntarily
supportive of their husband, but that is nothing more than what Paul said we
need to be to one another as brothers and sisters in Jesus. It is nothing more
than the husband should also be to the wife.
Submitting does not mean that
we don’t speak up, that we don’t ever disobey. It does not mean that we endure
torture or abuse under another. It means that we know the dreams of the other
person, we put ourselves voluntarily under them to help them achieve those
dreams. We become a support to lift them up and help them achieve their goals.
A domineering man might then
ask, "What does authority matter if it does not mean blind obedience by
those under authority?" It’s mean Christian authority. If you are over
someone in Christ, then you are their servant leader. Jesus does not force His
will to be done through taking away free will. He leads out of submission and
love. We are to do likewise.
Jesus taught:
"You know that the
rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise
authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great
among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be
your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to
give his life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:25-28 ESV).”
Jesus also taught that
leadership in the church and in Christian relationships is upside-down.
“The greatest among you shall
be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles
himself will be exalted (Matthew 23:11-12 ESV).”
Servant leadership is what
Christian leadership is all about. As a pastor, I am in this position to serve
the people – you - in this church, the community around here, and world abroad.
The other leaders in a church are there to do likewise. If you are living out
the life of Jesus in your workplace, then you should be about serving those
around you. Christian leadership, whether it is the role of a husband in the
house, parents to their children, a teacher to their students, a law
enforcement officer to the citizens, is one of sacrifice and service when done
well.
We all know in the core of
our being what good leadership is. What kind of cowardly father would flee if
his family was endangered? What kind of corrupt politician would seek to gain
personally from their position as a representative of the people? What kind of
shameful law enforcement officer would abandon people in need of help? And that
is what Paul is laying out here because, so often, men can create a destructive
family environment from their unhealthy leadership. The leadership trap for a
husband, as Paul warns, is to become harsh with their wives and provoke and
discourage their children.
But a healthy family is not
one of selfish and personal ambition. It’s one of compassion, patience,
meekness, humility, forgiveness, and love. It is the new self lived out in
unison one with another. A healthy family is the most basic example of the love
of Jesus lived in community. The family is designed to be a place where people
are encouraged and built up to be who Jesus wants them to be rather than a
place of manipulation and selfish ambition.
In the healthy family,
telling a wife that she is to submit to her husband, as long as we are using it
with the biblical idea of hupataso, is also proclaiming that the husband must
serve his wife. We must never separate a wife submitting with the love of the
husband that is alsoconnected with that command to submit.
Submit does not mean that someone should be silent, obedient at all times, or a
slave. Actually, if submit means to support someone to achieve their dreams,
then speaking up and telling the other person where they need to improve would
be needed at times. So submit, in Paul's command for a wife to submit to her
husband, just means that the woman will help the man achieve the dreams he is
trying to achieve. She will be his support. From other verses, we see that a
man should be just as supportive of his wife. It’s the same concept we are to
do to one another.
The main crux of the
argument, as Paul described the way the household should function is that the
man should no longer abuse his position. At the time this letter was written to
church in Colossae, the man was very domineering over the family in that
culture. Paul gave three warnings to the man. One, he is not to be harsh with
his wife. Two, he is not to provoke and discourage their children. And three,
he is to treat his slaves justly and fairly. This was a radical teaching that
would be liberating to wives, children, and slaves at that time.
The Roman society was
patriarchal and vicious. Babies would be presented to the father after birth at
which he could decide to let the baby not enter the family by forcing the baby
to just be abandoned and die from exposure. No property was allowed to be owned
in a Roman family except for the father owning it; this even included grown
men. All children were to be under the authority of their father until his
passing.
Like modern sitcoms jokingly
show the faults in the American family, Roman theater did the same for their
audience. And we can see in the family comedies of Plautus and Terrence that
the Roman family could devolve into manipulation and greed. With such a
patriarchal structure, the wife, children, and slaves would all try to
manipulate the father to get their will done. Paul's writings were a direct
assault on the Roman family structure and would have transformed a Roman family
that lived selfishly into one that would be a witness for Jesus. The Christian
family is to be a model of God’s plan for us in right relationship with each
other. The church is to be the same.
If the man is the head of the
house, it is not as a domineering head. Christian leadership is the exact
opposite of being domineering. If anyone is the head of anything in Christian
thinking, then that person is to be the servant of those he is the head of. True
Christian leadership is serving, not domineering. We will wrongly take the
headship idea that we get from the Bible and then apply a worldly definition to
it, but it is to be viewed through the lens of a sacrificial Jesus who, as the
head, gave up his life so that those like you and me – under him – could live.
In Genesis, humanity fell and
there were consequences:
“To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in
pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and
he shall rule over you (Genesis 3:16 ESV).”
That’s the fall. That’s what Jesus came to reverse. That’s not the reality we
are called to live in.
As Paul explains it:
“For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one
man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to
increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so
that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness
leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 5:19-21 ESV).”
In the perfect world before the fall, women were not ruled over by men; that
was a consequence of sin. As Christians, if we are forgiven of our sins and are
striving to live in perfection, then we should treat women as they were treated
before the punishment of sin. As much as is possible by us, we should live as
the restored people of God, letting the kingdom be realized as much as it
possibly can in the here and now through us. That would include women not being
ruled over by men, both in the home and in the church, but being treated as
equals as they were before the fall.
Let’s live in God’s restored kingdom reality.
