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An off-centered picture of three of the most important women of my childhood.
Aunt Rita. Grandma Jessie. And Mom. |
Women.
Sadly, the church has been on the side of telling their
daughters, “You can be anything but not a preacher or a leader in the church.”
“Be confident. Work hard. But make sure that you always do what your husband
says.” Even in our town, these views are still prevalent. And you may think
those views are the right ones, but let me challenge you with a different perspective today.
So today’s article is going
to be a little different than one where I try to motivate you to change. It’s going to
be much more of a study and explanation of women’s role in the church and in
the home. But this truth can be more liberating than any motivational sermon if
lived out.
Wrapped up in this issue is
part of how we interpret the Bible. Do we take one verse and run with it, or do
we understand it in the context of the whole?
Proponents of both sides of
the issue like to explain away passages that disagree with their viewpoint. But
there is something to be said in reading the Bible in context and in light of
the overarching themes of the rest of the Bible. There are also special
contextual issues to consider when reading Paul’s writings since he is writing
to address specific issues in specific churches, of which we can only surmise
the context because we only have Paul’s reply. This understating and
appreciation of what Paul is doing makes the application for us more refined
than simply reading and then doing.
THE BEGINNING IN GENESIS
So let’s start at the
beginning. In Genesis 1 and 2, man and woman were equal in God’s sight and
complimented one another. In fact, the woman is called a “helper” (ezer) – the
same word used in the Psalms to describe divine help (Psalm 20:2, 70:5). One would have a
difficult time casting God as a subordinate.
So in the first chapter of Genesis, we have women created to
be a helper just as God’s help given to us is described in the Psalms. But only
a chapter later, things change – there is a division between man and woman as a
result of sin entering the world. We must note that this is the result of
sin. It is not the desired relationship that God had in mind between a man and a woman. The effects of the fall
have impacted cultural perceptions and expectations between men and women
negatively ever since. From the treatment of women as second class citizens, to
a view of women as property, to a denial of certain rights to women, varying
cultures have diminished the value of women ever since. These were not God’s
intention but a result of sin among us and the fall having happened. They were a consequence.
JESUS IS RESTORING ALL THINGS
But God is in the process of removing the consequences of sin and restoring all things. This is the idea of the kingdom breaking through into the here and now. So if we view the role of women
through the idea of the kingdom of God, we see that God is restoring all
things. So God’s original intention as described in Genesis 1-2, not the consequence laid out in the
post-fall Genesis 3, is the idea of the relationship between men and women in
God’s kingdom. And through the ministry of Jesus, God is now restoring all
things to their intended purpose through the church. That means that women will are not inferior. Now, I can't do everything to bring about God's perfect kingdom now, but treating women equally is something that I can do. So as much as I possibly can, I live under the principle of bringing about God's perfect kingdom now. The church should be an
example of God’s restored purpose for humanity, not a reflection of the world post-fall.
In addition, Paul restates
this same idea to the church in Galatia:
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor
free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28 (ESV)
Paul echoes this sentiment in In 1 Corinthians 12 where he states that we are
one body with many members where each part performs different functions. There is no
delineation between men and women. There is no assigning the teaching or leading duties to men while relegating women
to other duties.
PAUL'S DIFFICULT PASSAGES
But Paul is also the source of the two difficult passages where women should be
silent and where women should not teach or have authority over a man. Throughout
his writings, Paul describes a unity and equality that exists between the
spiritually reborn living in God’s restored kingdom. On the other hand, Paul
backs off in these sections and defer to cultural norms.
The clearest mention of a
woman in leadership is at the end of Romans where Phoebe is called a
deaconess/servant/minister (diakonos). Granted, this word can mean all of those
things in the Greek, but in Paul’s writings when he is speaking of the office
of "deacon," he uses this word. When he speaks of servants he uses other words
(doulos, oiketes, pais, etc.). We also have Priscilla and Aquilla. Word order
was used in Greek language to show prominence, making Priscilla the prominent
teacher in this couple. You even have an apostle named Junia.
So when Paul gave his lists
that people use to exclude women, Paul was not providing a comprehensive list
of qualifications but a general understanding of what would make a good leader (see The Biblical Requirements for Elders).
This list is used so legalistically at times that it fails to see the point --
leaders should have leadership qualities and be actual spiritual leaders. Gender, if the
practice of the early church as seen in Scripture is to be given weight, is not necessary to be a spiritual leader. The same book that commands women to be silent (1 Cor. 14:33-35) gives
instructions for women praying and prophesying in the public assembly (1 Cor.
11:2-16). This role of prophet and praying in public indicates some level of
authority and leadership in the church given to women, even over men.
The notion that men have the
corner on wisdom, knowledge and teaching ability is pure arrogance. And
relegating women to teaching only children and other women is not only
demeaning but fails to see the fulfillment of the Kingdom. Yes, women can be
homemakers – my family life is a testament to the idea that I like that concept
- but so can men. In the same way men can lead the church, but so can women.
Only by working together, making up for one another’s deficiencies, and
carrying one another’s burdens do we see the Kingdom come.
As for qualifications of leaders, obviously we don’t want some hot head drunk
leading the church. But as I mentioned, I think these are general principles
based on observation, experience, and wisdom as opposed to a clearly delineated list to treat like law. The two lists in the two different Pauline letters aren’t even the same. In other words, each candidate should be
evaluated individually. Maybe the person is divorced because the spouse had an
affair and left him or her. Maybe the person brought their child up in the
church and did all he or she could but the child still is wayward. Perhaps the
recovering alcoholic has controlled the addiction. The point is that I don’t
think that a candidate should be dismissed out of hand because he or she doesn’t
meet the qualifications without examining the reasons behind their
circumstances and where that individual is today. They should not be disqualified for something that
happened in their lives fifteen years ago if they have conquered the cause of whatever that sin was. Again, this reasoning is based on my
understanding that Paul offers a general list of leadership qualities, not a law
of leadership qualifications.
Not all of us will be elders
or teachers. Each of us performs different functions and roles within the body.
But that does not disqualify women from fulfilling these functions. Nowhere in
Paul’s discussion on giftedness does he single out men for the “leadership”
type gifts or roles. I agree that not every woman should be a leader in the
church. Just like every man should not be one. I have heard dynamite women
teachers and awful male ones (and vice versa). We are who God empowers us to
be, regardless of gender. And the only sin here is if we don’t operate in our
giftedness or don’t allow others to operate in their giftedness.
What it comes down to in the
Kingdom of God is to be a community that rises above the “-isms” that have
plagued our society and churches. It is time to do away with chauvinism,
feminism, racism and return to seeing each other as created equally loved in
God’s sight and empowered differently but living unified to do the work of the
Kingdom.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE FAMILY?
Now, that is church life. But
I think if we go to the same passages regarding family life with the same
attitude and understanding the same principles, we will see a similar stance.
A study was released a while
back that described three types of families.
One happy, termed cohesive. Two
unhappy, termed disengaged and enmeshed.
Typically cohesive families
are characterized by harmonious interactions, emotional warmth, and firm but
flexible roles for parents and children. "Think the Cosby family,"
says Sturge-Apple, offering an example from the popular TV series about the
affable Huxtable family.
Enmeshed families, by
contrast, appears to be emotionally involved and display modest amounts of
warmth, but they struggle with high levels of hostility, destructive meddling,
and a limited sense of the family as a team. Sturge-Apple points to the emotionally
messy Barone family in the family sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond as a good
example of an enmeshed family.
Finally, disengaged families,
as the name implies, are marked by cold, controlling, and withdrawn
relationships. [With help from my Facebook friends, think All In The Family,
Married With Children, or National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. ] The seemingly
pleasant suburban family in the movie Ordinary People provides a classic
illustration of a disengaged family, as per the authors. Reacting to the death
of their oldest son, the parents in the film retreat emotionally, creating a
barren home environment in which feelings cannot be discussed.”
https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/16/family-problems-harm-young-children/15684.html
What we see in Paul's passage on the household in Colossians on how to
have a godly family is similar to what the scientists in the study
mentioned above would describe as a cohesive family. Paul wrapped up telling
us about the new self with instruction about the household. The new self should
permeate every area of our lives. The
old self is lying, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk while the new self
is compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, thankfulness,
forgiveness, and love. But then he follows this with explicit instructions on
family life.
Put on then, as
God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility,
meekness, and patience, bearing with one
another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as
the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds
everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
Paul then goes on to one of the more controversial sections:
Wives,
submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives,
and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for
this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become
discouraged. Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not
by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing
the Lord. Whatever you do, work
heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will
receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For
the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no
partiality. Masters, treat your slaves
justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. Colossians
3:18-4:1 (ESV).
A STUDY ON SUBMISSION
Now, let’s deal with the
elephant in the room first. The big, hot button issue is that first
sentence: "Wives,
submit to your husbands."
An exercise that is useful in
discovering the meaning of a word is to examine what it meant in the original
language through a Greek word study. One
of the biggest mistakes typically done is to just look the word up in an
English dictionary and call it good from there.
The problem with our understanding "hupotasso", the word translated "submit" here, is that we
don't use the word "submit" much in our normal conversations. The only places I hear it is in wrestling/mma
where the fighter gives up due to excessive pain or in a classroom environment where a student hands in a paper to their
teacher. In doing a word study, we can
see how the word was used in other sections of Scripture. So let's look at some of those verses.
Jesus was hupotasso to his
parents.
And he went
down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive (hupotasso) to them. And
his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. Luke 2:51 (ESV)
We need to hupotasso
governing authorities.
Let every
person be subject (hupotasso) to the governing authorities. For there is no
authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by
God. Romans 13:1 (ESV).
We need to hupotasso to every
fellow worker and laborer like those of the household of Stephanas.
Now I urge
you, brothers—you know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts
in Achaia, and that they have devoted themselves to the service of the
saints—be subject (hupotasso) to such as these, and to every fellow worker and
laborer. 1 Corinthians 16:15-16 (ESV).
We need to hupotasso to God.
Submit
(hupotasso) yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee
from you. James 4:7 (ESV).
We need to hupotasso to one
another as brothers and sisters in Jesus.
And do not
get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,
addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for
everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting
(hupotasso) to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:18-21 (ESV).
We could get a grand and
deeply authoritarian view of submission from the verses that teach us to submit
to governing authorities and God, but there are also uses of "submit" that
throw a wrench into that definition. We
see that submitting to one another is something that we are all called to do as
believers to each other.
So the word
"submit" has to fit these passages. And sadly, the concept,
especially in regards to the role of a woman with her husband when viewed as a
subordinate role, has been misunderstood and doesn’t fit. This teaching of
womanly submission has tragically been abused by the patriarchal society of the
past and is still being abused in sexist settings today, to the detriment of
everyone involved. I have heard of tragic stories of abuse in which a woman has
been told to submit to her husband and remain in an abusive relationship. I
have heard stories of women having to go along with things they seriously disagree
with. That is not what this Paul is teaching in this section in his letter to the Colossians.
Submit
(hupotasso) is voluntarily placing ourselves under someone in order to support
them and help them achieve the dreams they have. When Paul wrote that a wife should submit to
her husband, he was stating that a wife needs to be a person who is voluntarily
supportive of their husband, but that is nothing more than what Paul said we
need to be to one another as brothers and sisters in Jesus. It is nothing more
than the husband should also be to the wife.
Submitting does not mean that
we don’t speak up. Submitting doesn't mean that we don’t ever disobey. It does not mean that we endure torture or abuse under another. It's actually a beautiful concept that translating it into a negative word like "submit" misses. It means
that we know the dreams of the other person, and we put ourselves voluntarily under
them to help them achieve those dreams. We become a support to lift them up and
help them achieve their goals. I feel like breaking out into Josh Groban here.
ON TOWARD TRUE JESUS-LIKE LEADERSHIP
A domineering man might then
ask, "What does authority matter if it does not mean blind obedience by
those under authority?" It’s mean
Christian authority. If you are over
someone in Christ, then you are their servant leader. Jesus is our Lord and does not force His will to be done by taking away our free will. He leads
out of submission, example, and love. We are to do
likewise.
Jesus taught:
You
know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones
exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would
be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you
must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many. Matthew 20:25-28 (ESV).
Jesus also taught that
leadership in the church and in Christian relationships is upside-down.
The greatest
among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and
whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
Matthew 23:11-12 (ESV).
Servant leadership is what
Christian leadership is all about. As a
pastor, I am in this position to serve the people in the church I am part of, the
community I live in and interact with, and the world abroad. It is not about me getting special treatment; it's about serving
people through calling on them, meeting their needs, praying for them, and listening to God and proclaiming what He wants us to hear. This is what all church leaders are called to do. If you are living out the life
of Jesus in your workplace, then you should be about serving those around you. Christian
leadership, whether it is the role of a husband in the house, parents to their
children, a teacher to their students, a law enforcement officer to the citizens,
is one of sacrifice and service when done well.
We all know in the core of
our being what good leadership is. What
kind of cowardly father would flee if his family was endangered? What kind of corrupt politician would seek to
gain personally from their position as a representative of the people? What kind of shameful law enforcement officer
would abandon people in need of help? We
all know, in the core of our being, what good leadership is. And that is what Paul is laying out here
because, so often, men can create a destructive family environment from their
unhealthy leadership. The leadership
trap for a husband, as Paul warns, is to become harsh with their wives and
provoke and discourage their children.
But a healthy family is not
one of selfish and personal ambition.
It’s one of compassion, patience, love, humility, forgiveness, and
love. It is the new self lived out in
unison one with another. A healthy
family is the most basic example of the love of Jesus lived in community. The
family is designed to be a place where people are encouraged and built up to be
who Jesus wants them to be rather than a place of manipulation and selfish
ambition.
In the healthy family,
telling a wife that she is to submit to her husband, as long as we are using it
with the biblical idea of hupataso, is also proclaiming that the husband must
serve his wife. We must never separate a
wife submitting with the love of the husband that is always connected with that
command to submit.
Submit does not mean that someone should be silent, obedient at all times, or a
slave. Actually, if submit means to support someone to achieve their dreams,
then speaking up and telling the other person where they need to improve would
be needed at times. So submit, in Paul's command for a wife to submit to her
husband, just means that the woman will help the man achieve the dreams he is
trying to achieve. She will be his
support. From other verses, we see that a man should be just as supportive of
his wife. It’s the same concept we are to do to one another.
The main crux of the
argument, as Paul described the way the household should function, is that the
man should no longer abuse his position. At the time this letter was written to church in Colossae, the man was
very domineering over the family. Paul gave three warnings to
the man. One, he is not to be harsh with his wife. Two, he is not to provoke
and discourage their children. And three, he is to treat his slaves justly and
fairly. This was a radical teaching that
would be liberating to wives, children, and slaves at that time.
REVEALING A DIFFERENT KINGDOM
The Roman society was
patriarchal and vicious. Babies would be
presented to the father after birth at which point he could decide to let the baby
not enter the family by forcing the baby to just be abandoned and die from
exposure. No property was allowed to be
owned in a Roman family except for the father owning it; this even included
grown men. All children were to be under
the authority of their father until his passing.
Like modern sitcoms jokingly
show the faults in the American family, Roman theater did the same for their
audience. And we can see in the family
comedies of Plautus and Terrence that the Roman family could devolve into manipulation
and greed. With such a patriarchal
structure, the wife, children, and slaves would all try to manipulate the
father to get their will done. Paul's
writings were a direct assault on the Roman family structure and would have
transformed a Roman family that lived selfishly into one that would be a
witness for Jesus. The Christian family is to be a model of God’s plan for us
in right relationship with each other. The church is to be the same.
If the man is the head of the
house, it is not as a domineering head. Christian leadership is the exact
opposite of being domineering. If anyone is the head of anything in Christian
thinking, then that person is to be the servant of those in their charge. True Christian leadership is
serving, not domineering. We will wrongly take the headship idea that we get
from the Bible and then apply a worldly definition to it, but it is to be
viewed through the lens of a sacrificial Jesus who, as the head, gave up his
life so that those like you and me – under him – could live.
In Genesis, humanity fell and
there were consequences:
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in
childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for
your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 (ESV)
That’s the fall. That’s what Jesus came to reverse. That’s not the reality we
are called to live in.
As Paul explains it:
For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made
sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass,
but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also
might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ
our Lord. Romans 5:19-21 (ESV)
In the perfect world before the fall, women were not ruled over by men; that
was a consequence of sin. As Christians, if we are forgiven of our sins and are
striving to live in perfection, then we should treat women as they were treated
before the punishment of sin. As much as is possible by us, we should live as
the restored people of God, letting the kingdom be realized in the here and now through us. That would include women not being
ruled over by men, both in the home and in the church, but, instead, women being treated as
equals as they were before the fall.
Let’s live in God’s restored kingdom reality.
