I'm reminded of Nine Inch Nail's Hurt, preferably the Johnny Cash version.
That song was originally released on Nine Inch Nail's Downward Spiral. In an interview, Trent Reznor noted that he wrote the album to be one whole message. In it, he rejects God, he lives for himself, but by the end, he wishes he could throw it all away and start over. You seem like you are in a downward spiral of sorts, and at the end of that spiral is Hurt. A place where you wish you could start again and throw everything away. That place is always now. We constantly have to throw away the hurt others have inflicted on us, the hurt we have self-inflicted, and the dreams we have missed fulfilling. That's what forgiveness is.
The problem is that people don't think that it is possible to start over, but with God it is possible. Jesus offers grace, a grace that helps us overcome the failure we feel like we are and sometimes have been. A grace that will give us the strength to continue on despite continuing to be a failure. A grace that helps us become more than we can be without it.
In the end, a life filled with God's spirit, forgiveness and grace will be a life that will end that downward spiral; a life that wills stop the hurt; a life that will reflect the glory of God; the life you were intended to live. Don't give up. Be real, be honest, and pursue God with your whole heart.
"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:28-31 (ESV).
