The Beauty of a Loved One Dying

I was in Liberia when I heard the news that my Uncle Glen had died. Halfway around the world, my heart filled with sadness as I heard the words over the phone. In the midst of some of the greatest poverty in the world, my heart was stilled by the lost of a beloved uncle and friend. Going to his funeral would be one of the first things that I would do when I returned.

The funeral was a bittersweet experience. My uncle had been suffering with cancer, and I felt relief at his passing. His pain was over, yet he would be greatly missed. He was the sort of Uncle who always made me feel welcomed and special at his house when I would stop by, which I didn't do nearly as much as I should have done.

As I sat there with my own children, wife, parents, and other relatives, holding my little one-year old, I could see those sitting up in the front. His sons. His daughter. His grandsons and granddaughters. And his wife of fifty-five years. My heart went out to them, for in my grief I knew that their grief was greater. I wished that I could somehow magically heal the pain and sadness, but all I had to give was my presence, a hug, and kind words.

Just after that funeral, my high school librarian and friend faced the loss of his wife after forty-three years of marriage. He posted on Facebook, "When the LOVE of your life is in the loving hands of aides and nurses of Home Hospice, all seems so irrelevant. Every moment is MOST important. Life has its journeys, even the final one."

Although it does make the passing so much more painful, there is beauty in being in love with someone for such a long time. In those final moments, we are reminded of how great of a blessing the one we love and are about to lose has been to us all along. Sometimes we forget that important truth during the arguments and disagreements - during the ordinary moments of life. We should cherish every moment that we have with the special people in our lives. There is almost nothing more beautiful than loved shared for many, many years. That truth becomes all too real in those final days.

The passing of someone is more painful when the love shared with them is deep, rich, and long-lasting. Despite it being more painful, it is worth it. For some never get to experience the joy of true, genuine, and lifelong love.  

On January 25, 2006, officials went Joyce Carol Vincent's home to repossess it because she was extremely behind on her rent and had not been communicating with them. When they opened the door they found a decomposed body sitting in a chair. Joyce Carol Vincent had been dead for three years. Unopened Christmas presents sat on the floor. She had friends, but no deep connections. She had floated in and out of people's lives for years, and nobody in her life was close enough to her to actually check in on her when she fell off the radar. 

Some loneliness may not be as stark as that of Joyce Carol Vincent's. But that sort of loneliness is the type of loneliness that shows we are not living life the way we should. That we are missing out on something greater. We were designed to be in relationships with God and others. As Christopher McCandless, whose story was shared in Into The Wild, wrote in his journal as he was dying alone in the Alaskan wilderness, "Happiness is only real when shared."

At my uncle's funeral, my one-year old started to get fussy during the ceremony, so we made our way out to the church foyer. On the screen was a slideshow of my uncle's life. Time spent with his family. Vacations. Holidays. Just the normal, daily moments of life. Seeing his familiar smile, you could tell he was enjoying life. In the midst of the slideshow, there was a video. It was the last dance of my uncle with his wife of fifty-five years. And that same smile. As many people do in passing, they get a last burst of energy , and my uncle used his burst of energy for one last dance with his wife. His greatest friend. The love of his life. Happiness. Shared. Life as it was intended to be.

I don't envy my aunt learning to live without him. But she is doing well. She is strong, with a beautiful heart, and will learn to live with that hole left in her heart. The love people share when they are together for 55 years may make the death of one all the more sad, but that life lived together makes the life itself all the more great. There is something incredibly beautiful in dying when you are truly loved. There is something beautiful in truly living. There is something special about living and passing from this life in the Lord. There is beauty in a loved one dying. We just have to see it.

How To Find Joy - A Call To Rejoice Always

I have a good friend whose brother was driving home late one night. His brother ran a stop light and was broadsided by another car. He died. The family, as families often do at death, gathered together. As a pastor who has done funerals, grief is always hard when death is sudden. It's harder when it is the sudden death of a young person. When the family gathered together, my friend was wondering whether his faith would survive this experience. How do you believe in a God who allows or causes (depending on your theology) a young man to die suddenly and unexpectedly through a collision at an intersection? As they were gathered around in the middle of the night, mourning, the father did something strange - profound if you will. He put on a worship CD, turned the stereo up real loud, placed his hands on the speakers, and started singing praises to God. Just to rejoice in the midst of the sorrow. Rejoicing always.

In his letter to the church in Philippi, Paul wrote:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you (Philippians 4:4-9 ESV).

 Even during the worst situations, we need to follow Paul's instruction. "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." The path to joy isn't about creating an environment where everything good happens all the time. The path to joy is a battle of perspective. God has done so much. There is so much that is good that we experience. Yet we like being pathetic and we like to wallow in the little bit of bad that's in our lives. Now, you may be saying what I'm going through isn't just a little bit of bad. It's a big bit of bad.

Paul can relate to a big bit of bad. Persecution. Imprisonment. Being stoned (with stones). Going blind. Big, bad troubles. Paul was not a foreigner to big, bad troubles. So his teaching to us to rejoice always comes from a man who knew full well what it is to live through difficult circumstances. If it wasn't difficult, he wouldn't need to teach it. I can't guarantee you much. But one of the things that I can guarantee is that bad things will happen in your life. Big, terrible, tragic things. Like the death of your loved one. Your death. Crises of another sort. Bad things. Great, big, terrible, bad things will happen in your life.

Which makes it even stranger when we go to frivolous things to find a pseudo-joy. The world successfully brainwashes us into the belief that joy is found in the next gadget, the next pleasure, the next this or that. The next website. The next show. The next book. These are all lies. Lies we often buy into. Joy is not found in those things. Happiness is. Sometimes a very fleeting, temporary, destructive happiness.

We may not be happy always, but our state of happiness does not correlate to whether we are right with God or now. We can cry and still be right with God. We can be heartbroken and still be with God. Joy is beyond the momentary feelings of happiness, and we need to learn to rejoice always.

Happiness has the same root word as happening - "happ". We don't have control over our happenings. But we can control whether we will rejoice in all circumstances.

It is easy for us to act like strong Christians when things are good. When we find a great home for a great price. It's easy to act joyful.  When have a new healthy baby. It's easy to be joyful. When you receive an unexpected gift. It's easy to be joyful. Those are all things I have experienced. And I am grateful for them, but the world doesn't need Christians that are just happy when things are good. That's confusing happiness with joy. The world needs Christians who are joyful all the time. When things don't go our way. When friends or family die. When money doesn't quite stretch far enough. When illness  strikes. When things aren't easy.

There is one lie that I think destroys our joy more than anything. A prevalent lie in the church in America. A lie that is spreading. A lie that we, as American Christians, are quick to buy into. We think that God will always make everything good for us. We think that He is our Santa Claus in the sky. That if we are faithful and believe, then we will only experience great presents from our heavenly Father. This is a lie. A lie of the most damaging sorts. And when we buy into this lie, we struggle when things aren't good for us. John Piper shared the following...

This week, I couldn't help but watch the news. We have no shortage of stories that scare us. Stories that make me fear that one day I may not be able to speak my mind without possible repercussions. Then I remembered what I had already written here in this article, what I had already shared with you here today: "The path to joy is a battle of perspective."

I don't want bad things to happen in America, but the news right now seems a little overwhelming in regards to a scary future for America. The NSA spying on us, and the person who informed us about it now being prosecuted as a spy. The IRS targeting people it politically disagrees with. The Trans-Pacific Partnership, a trade treaty that is being written in private, even classified from the eyes of our Congressmen, that makes NAFTA look insignificant. It all frustrates me. It worries me for the America my children will have to live in. But then the word of God pulls me back in.

Paul also wrote the church in Philippi, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ" (Philippians 3:20 ESV).

Our citizenship is in heaven. This doesn't mean that we don't work for the oppressed, the disenfranchised, the hurting people that surround us. This isn't an idea whose purpose is to give us an off switch where we can say, "This world is crap, and we don't have to do anything about it." Just the opposite is intended. We need  to bring about justice, righteousness, and mercy. This idea should spur our passion because we believe in a better reality and bringing about that reality from the home of our true citizenship into this one. So when we struggle, fear, and worry about our future, we need to reset our thinking. This place is not our home. Our citizenship is beyond our current, temporal reality. We can find comfort in those truths and find motivation to carry on.

Elsi meeting Avett for the first time.

On Wednesday, I drove Lindsay and Avett to the doctor in Defiance. We were halfway there when I asked, "Did you bring the paperwork that we need the doctor to fill out?" Because with a homebirth, we have extra paperwork that we need our doctor to fill out and mail in to the health department. Paperwork that a hospital usually takes care of behind the scenes.

Lindsay told me that she forgot. I became immediately frustrated. Here we were, more than halfway to Defiance without the paperwork that we needed our doctor to fill out. We could turn around and be a half hour late for our appointment or we could continue driving without the paperwork needed. Neither option was good. We decided, since we were close to the doctor and didn't want to be late for our appointment, that we would just finish the trip. I would drop her off then run back to town to get the paperwork. A wasted hour driving. Unnecessary wear and tear on our car. I calculated the cost. AHHHHH! Anyway, I was working on this piece that morning before leaving for the doctor, and this story that I am going to share with you right now helped me through the situation.

Another pastor shares the story.

"One day my wife, Cindy, refueled our car at a filling station in a Texas town. Instead of driving up to the self-service pump, she accidentally pulled up to full-service. She didn’t realize the luxury service cost an extra fifty cents per gallon until she paid for the gas. Later she told me how the station had hiked the prices on full-service.

That extra fifty cents per gallon surely has to be a violation of some federal law, I thought. I quickly calculated that the extra seven dollars she spent on full-service would have taken our vehicle 128.33 miles farther down the road if she had bought self-service gas. The “full-service gas station robbery” had me fuming for several hours.

As I was mulling over this terrible injustice, God showed me what I had done. I had sold my joy for seven dollars! I never realized how cheaply I would surrender something so valuable. Just as Esau exchanged his birthright for a bowl of soup, I exchanged my joy for seven dollars’ worth of gas.

At what price are you willing to sell your joy? (I Once Was Blind But Now I Squint, 40-41)

So back to my story about our trip to the doctor and Lindsay forgetting the paperwork. I said to myself that I would not let having to drive for an extra hour ruin my day. My joy isn't worth giving up for an hour. And it worked. Strangely, it worked. And Lindsay says that it made her life better too when I decided to have joy rather than fume about the situation.

And then, as I drove back to Defiance after having dropped her off and picked up the paperwork, I began to think about all of the things that we give up our joy for. I get overly frustrated with life when our money doesn't stretch far enough. I have been upset when Lindsay buys something that I don't think we can afford. I've been upset when I found out I had cancer. I've been upset when our twins died. I've been upset when my mower won't start (Now I have a new electric mower and haven't had that problem). I've been upset when my wife didn't get a job she applied for. When another kid has hurt my kid. I've been upset over so many things. Things that weren't worth selling my joy for.

I'm sure you have had similar situations. Things we think are worth being upset over, yet it doesn't benefit us when we allow ourselves to fume. Fuming just takes away our joy. Which brings me back to the wisdom of Paul in teaching us to rejoice...always. We can have joy in every situation. It doesn't mean the lies of the prosperity gospel. It doesn't mean that we will always get what we want. It means that when we don't get what we want, we will choose to be content.

Joy. It's a choice. And I want to choose joy. Joy in Jesus. Because He is the source of our contentment. True joy.  

Kay Warren, the wife of Pastor Rick Warren, describes joy:

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

There's a story I read:

Do you remember when your mother used to say, "Don't eat candy before meals?" Why did she say that? Because she knew it would ruin your next meal. The trouble with eating candy is that it gives you a sugar buzz, and then you don't feel hungry. Candy masks the fact that your body needs proteins and vitamins. The sugar buzz from candy masks your hunger for the real nutrients that you need.
Things like sex, power, money, and success—as well as favorable circumstances—act like spiritual sugar. Christians who have these spiritual candies may say, "Sure, I believe in God and I know I'm going to heaven," but they're actually basing their day-to-day joy on favorable circumstances. When the circumstances change, it drives us to God, because when the sugar disappears, when the candy gets taken away, we're forced to pursue the feast that our souls really crave. We'll hunger for the spiritual nutrients we really need.

Joy isn't found at the end of the rainbow of fame and money. Or even in the good things like family, friends, your job, or even in the smile of a newborn baby. That's happiness. Those things can pass. Tragically pass. Joy isn't found in your child getting a hit, winning a game, reading a good book, watching a good show, or taking a good vacation. Again, those things are happiness. Don't confuse joy and happiness. Happiness, although appreciated, is fleeting. There is only one source of unfleeting joy.

Let's reread Paul's passage to the church in Phillipi:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you (Philippians 4:4-9 ESV).

We want joy. But focusing on joy is not how we get joy. Here are four tips from Paul from the section above on how to get joy.

Joy is like a cake. If you're missing ingredients, you don't have cake. No flour, no cake. No sugar, no cake. No egg, no cake. Oh, you may be able to make a fake substitute. But that's not cake. Don't fool yourself. The same is true with joy. If you're missing the ingredients to joy, you don't have joy.

Paul points out four things that bring joy/peace.

Be Gracious. "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone," Paul wrote. "Reasonableness." What is reasonableness?  The original word (epieikés) means "sense of [being] truly fair by relaxing overly strict standards." It's gentleness. It's the idea of mercy and grace. It's giving people the benefit of the doubt. Being more gracious than fair. Being more loving than just.

Do you see others the way God sees them? People will fail you. They will disappoint you. But even with all their faults, they're still beautiful. Just like God views you with all of your faults. Joy is found in viewing others the way God views them, even when they fail you. Especially when they fail you. Being gracious in all situations.

Be prayerful. Paul wrote, "In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Are you keeping in mind that God is in control? Are you more worried about yourself more than you are about His will and Him receiving glory?

It's easy to panic in a situation. It's easy to worry that maybe God doesn't want the same thing that we want. But it doesn't do us any good to be anxious. Give it up to God. Express your desire to Him. "Supplication" means "heart-felt petition, arising out of deep personal need." It's more than just checking off our prayer list. It's expressing our deep-felt desires. But after the prayer is said, we trust in Him for the future outcome. Joy is never found in worry. Joy is found in expressing our desires to the Lord and trusting in Him.

Be Positive. Paul said, "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch Christian who was imprisoned for helping Jews escape the Nazis during World War II. In her book, The Hiding Place, she writes about an incident that taught her the principle of choosing a positive outlook in all situations.

Corrie and her sister, Betsy, were imprisoned at Ravensbruck Camp. As a prisoner she faced horrible living conditions and found herself very bothered by the intense fleas in her barracks. She wrote: 

“The barracks were extremely crowded and infested with fleas. One morning they read, in their tattered Bible, from 1 Thessalonians the reminder to rejoice in all things. Betsy said, 'Corrie, we've got to give thanks for this barracks and even for these fleas.' Corrie replied, 'No way am I going to thank God for fleas.'"

But Betsy was persuasive, and they did thank God even for the fleas.

During the months that followed, they found that their barrack was left relatively unsupervised, and they could have a Bible study, talk openly, pray together, and not worry about being interrupted or experiencing something even worse from the guards. Their barrack was their only place of refuge. Several months later, they learned that the reason the guards never entered their barracks was because of those blasted fleas.

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Put on the attitude of Jesus. Joy is found in having a positive attitude, even with the fleas.

Be Practicing or Practice These Things. "What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Joy is found in actually living the right life. Not just knowing it.

Peace is a byproduct. A byproduct of our right relationship with Jesus. Joy leads to peace. Joy is found through being gracious to others, being prayerful, thinking positively, and living the life Jesus wants you to live.

Elton Trueblood, one of my favorite Christian writers of the 20th century, said, "I don't trust the theology of any person who doesn't laugh."

The other week, I was asked by an atheist why I became a Christian.

Much to the displeasure of the atheist, I became a Christian, not because of intellectual arguments, but because I fell in love with the view of the world that some Christians shared with me through their words and living it. I went to college and fell in with the wrong crowd, a group of Christians. This group of Christians was filled with joy and seemed to have a different dream of the world. Now I believe that their different dream for the world is the way that God wants this world. I want that world. I want the world that Jesus teaches us to strive toward. I want His kingdom to come here on earth as it is in heaven. It may sound crazy, especially to an atheist, but encountering Christians filled with joy and living in hope is what brought me to Jesus. A group of joyful Christians who were living differently in the world.

I may have logically went backward, starting at a different place. I started at the point of action and experience and wanted the thoughts that brought about that action and experience. My logic went, "These people are living the life I want. This is the life I want. I want what they have. What brings people to this life? What beliefs? What actions? What habits?" This led me to Jesus and the church. Maybe if I would have found a sacrificially loving group of atheists, my life would be different. But I didn't. And I still haven't.

Discussions with atheists always come back to a scientific argument. They want to argue creation or the reliability of Scripture or something else. Those discussions have their place, but that isn't what changes lives.

So when an atheist asks why we should assume God if they believe physics and evolution can explain the world without Him. I would say that it is because the God I believe in teaches us to love our neighbors, love our enemies, and live sacrificially for others. Following God brings joy. I find that beautiful. For an atheist, it may be irrational. For me, it may just be irrational beauty. And those things can't be discovered through evolution and physics.

Now, here is the dilemma. You may be feeling guilty for being mopey. For not being as filled with joy as you should be. And then you think, "I'm going to stop being mopey and start being joyful." Well, first, don't beat yourself up so much. That's bad for your joy. Remember, when the wet blanket of joy sucking despair or depression begins to overwhelm to say, "Stop it. I choose Jesus. I choose joy."

Remember to view yourself the way that God views you. And remember that joy is not something that we can just wish into existence. It's not found by us just listening to motivational speakers and willing it into our lives. It's a byproduct. It's found by being gracious to others, through trusting God in all situations, and putting on Jesus. Grow more into Jesus, and you will find that you are inhabited by the Holy Spirit that brings joy as one of its fruits.

Choose joy. Choose Jesus.

Finding True Joy

Jesus taught, "What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.' Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. "Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it? And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.' Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:4-10 ESV).

The angels rejoice.

Not over Michael Phelps getting the most Olympic medals. Not over Eli Manning throwing a game winning pass. Not over the USA women’s gymnastic team or Gaby Douglas’ victory in the all around. Not over a book being released or some upcoming movie. Not even over the Buckeyes winning a national championship.

Not over you completing a marathon. Not over me losing weight. Not over grades in school or job performance. It isn’t that God isn’t involved in those things, but those are not the most important thing to God.

We get so caught up on the physical things that we forget the most important things.

The angels rejoice when someone comes to the Lord.

We must have that same perspective. We must learn to really value the things that God values and not the things of this world.

Our church will grow when most of us who make up that church body have God's perspective. When we give financially to the mission of the church because we realize that God’s mission is more important than that 10% or more of our income. When we help our someone despite it putting us out because we realize that showing Jesus’ love is more important than our personal space and/or time. When we put time with the Lord above time exercising because we realize that our spiritual health is more important than our physical health.

We must change perspective if we want to have the joy that Jesus wants us to have. We must change perspective if we want our church to grow.

So if we have a joy problem, we have a relationship with God problem. If we have a joy problem, we must figure out why one of fruits of the Spirit is not materializing itself in our life. And if we have a fruit problem. – I’m going with the tree analogy here – then we have a root problem.

May we focus on digging into Jesus.

Into The Wild - Happiness Is Only Real When Shared

Into the Wild is the true story of Christopher McCandless, an Emory Univeristy graduate who became fed up with society, traveled the country without any money, and made a trip to Alaska. If you plan on reading the book or watching the movie, please note that this article has spoilers.

Throughout the movie, I struggled with the idea of whether it is wise to go out and discover the "truth" in the wilderness all alone. The idea of isolation has been glorified as a concept in the American psyche ever since Thoreau and his experience at Walden Pond. Our culture is fascinated with the self-sufficent individual. My reaction to the individuality of our culture has been just the opposite. I long to share my life with people. I have always thought that God was experienced more in community than in a beautiful meadow alone. This movie made me question that. Would it be good for me to go and experience God all alone for forty days like Jesus did? Should I? As I sat on the couch watching this movie, a real wrestling match was taking place in my mind. Maybe in the end the healthy life is a combination of both isolation with God and a shared life with others.

At other times throughout the film, I envied Christopher and the community he experienced while traveling the nation without any money. Part of me wants that life. At times I have been ready to sell everything and hit the road. I want to share my life with others and have a good time just like he did. It seems like money, selfishness, and material goods get in the way of doing that. When I look around, it seems that the poor and their transparent selves seem to have better community than the rich and their acceptable facades. If I have to become poor to experience life more fully, then that is what I want to do. Then I struggled with the idea of my children. I do not want them to grow up poor. Deep in my core, there is apparently a clinging to the belief that money is essential to happiness or I would be fine with raising my children without much money and material possessions. This movie revealed that about me, and I just do not know what to do.

In the end, Christopher began to die. The movie makes it look like he was poisoned from eating poisonous seeds. Apparently, outdoor experts that know about the plants and the area he was in do not know if that is the real story. He might have just been dying of starvation and thought it was the result of the seeds. Whatever the reason, Christopher was dying alone in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. Before he died, the movie and his writings seem to show that he began to understand what life was all about. It took going into Alaska, living by himself for over 100 days, and dying to figure it out. May we be able to learn the real meaning of life in time to enjoy it.

He inscribed in his book, "Happiness is only real when shared." This is a complete reversal of his previous thought, "You're wrong if you think the joy of life comes from human relationships." It was only when he was faced with death that he made the decision to forgive his parents, throw away his made up name, and take back his real name. There in that "magic bus," Christopher learned to forgive. He heeded the words of the old man that wanted to adopt him: "When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you."

This movie made me long for community, to share my life with people and get to know them. Every day, I need to strive to be what I was destined for. I will try to listen to people who need to share their hurts, wishes, excitements, or any other thing. I will look for ways to help those around me. What a tremendous story. I am blessed to have watched it. I am sad that Christopher died.

When he was gone, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once. My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:31-35 NIV).

Happiness is only real when shared. Let us share life.

Spiritual Experience in the aisle at Meijer

Last night we went to Meijer. Lindsay heard that they were having great sales on kid's clothes. I hate shopping for clothes, so we split up. Isaac and Eli were with me. We went to the electronics and looked at video games. Then we went to the kid's books.

I saw right before me the book that I always used to read when I would go over to my Grandma's house. She lived right across the road from me growing up. That house now rests right across the creek from us. It seems like an empty shell of what it used to be when she used to inhabit the earth. I have a lot of fond memories from being there with her, one of which is Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel. Mike is a steam shovel that has become outdated by all of the new fancy equipment. Although he is outdated he creates a great basement for a city hall in a country town much faster than even the new equipment could because he works better when people encourage him. However, in the midst of all his hard work and getting caught up in the job, he forgot to create a way out. The town, Mike's owner, and Mike work with the situation they have been dealt and turn Mike into the furnace for the new city hall. Mike's use might have changed, but he was still useful. As a result, he finds happiness. Anyway, that wasn't the great experience. That was just a fond memory.

Then I saw another book written by Virginia Lee Burton. I picked it up. It was a book called The Little House. This book was about a magnificently built house that a man inteneded for generations of his children and grandchildren to live in. He built it in the beautiful countryside where the trees surrounded it and the sun and stars shown on it daily. Then the city creeped out, surrounded the house, and eventually overshadowed it. The house could only see the sun at noon and could never see the stars. It was a great book that reminded me how I abhor the city and love the country. I love the sounds of nature rather than the buzzing backdrop of the city. I love the stars in the sky. I love the beautiful trees. I love the creek. I just love the country life. The country always puts me in a worshipful attitude towards God. This book brought me to that place. I had to buy it.

Then I noticed another book. The Three Questions, based on a story by Leo Tolstoy. It is the story of a boy named Nikolai who is seeking the answer to three questions: "When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do?"

He asks his friends, the heron, the monkey, and the dog. They give him answers that some people believe but are absolutely wrong. Then he goes to the old turtle and asks him. The turtle is hard at work, so the boy decides to help him. One thing leads to another and the boy eventually saves two pandas from a terrible storm. Then he is still frustrated that he doesn't know the answer to his questions. The old turtle gives him a lengthy monologue for a kid's book.

"Yesterday, if you had not stayed to help me dig my garden, you wouldn't have heard the panda's cries for help in the storm. Therefore, the most important time was the time you spent digging the garden. The most important one at that moment was me, and the most important thing to do was to help me with my garden."

"Later, when you found the injured panda, the most important time was the time you spent mending her leg and saving her child. The most important ones were the panda and her baby. And the most important thing to do was to take care of them and make them safe."

"Remember then that there is only one important time, ant that time is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world. This is why we are here."

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love" (1 John 4:7-8 NASB).

"If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen" (1 John 4:7-8 NASB).

"Whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight. And this is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. And the one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And we know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us" ((1 John 3:22-24 NASB).

"But whoever has the world's goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him" (1 John 3:17-19 NASB).

Bob wrote this after my post the other day: "John would argue that the one who doesn't love, doesn't know God. Is this the real root of the problem? That somewhere in our intellectual persuit of God, we've missed knowing who God is, and what his love really means for us as a person and as a people? If I don't feel loved by God, how can I love myself (sinner that I am). If I cannot love myself then I certainly cannot love others."

Our relationship with God is based on our relationship with those who we encounter that need our love. After reading The Three Question I was struck in the aisle at Meijer that I am not right with God. I am not loving to those closest to me. And the verse from John pounded my head. If I am not loving to those closest to me who I see, then I am not loving God. So I repented. And I'm trying to work on being loving.

My lack of love mainly centers on my relationship with Lindsay. Not that I don't love her, but I have become increasingly short with her. I've become a "no"-sayer when she asks me to help out. I've become a failure as a loving husband. So last night in front of the kid books, I made a decision to change that. I can't change anyone besides myself, so I decided to start right there. Afterward, we went to Steak & Shake instead of Subway because she wanted to go there. That might be a little thing, but in the daily battles of marriage it seemed huge. Throughout the night I tried to do other nice things for her. It was very liberating. Instead of telling her that she would be done a lot quicker if she would just do something instead of fighting with me about it, I need to realize that I will be done a lot quicker if I just do it and that by loving her I am loving God. I can't remember exactly what now, but when we got home I failed and it caused a little fight. I was reminded about my new commitment. If I love God, then I need to treat my wife as if she is Him.

I need to treat everyone as if they were God. If all of us who claim we have a relationship with God did that, I think the world would be a different place. We are given opportunities to love God every day. Many times we don't recognize them as such. May we all be able to see God in the face of our co-workers, loved ones, regular acquaintances, random strangers, and children.

Watch out for the potholes.